“How are you doing today?”
Jul 25th, 2005 by Ian Kane
I’m sure you’ve heard that question many times in your life. Maybe you’ve even heard it several times today. It’s a default small talk question, or perhaps a way to address a person that you’ve been unable to talk deeply to for some time. Whatever it is, it surrounds us nearly ever day.
Last night in our worship gathering Chris Thyberg directed a discussion on the concluding verses of Ephesians 4, focusing on ideas of spiritually sensitivity and deepness of community living. How do we speak the truth to one another in love, and how do we give one another truth as opposed to what is merely true or factual? As I was thinking over last night I thought of a practical way that we can engage one another in the Three Nails community (or elsewhere, for that matter).
The question “How are you doing today?” is an incomplete question for at least two reasons. First, we’re so acclimated to the question that we can almost answer it without having to think. Seconly, it’s a closed question. Closed questions are conversation enders rather than openers. There are only a few “correct” ways to answer a closed question. So for the “How are you doing today?” question our set of default answers is something like “fine”, “good”, “not bad”, “alright”, or whatever. There is no next step to this question. It oftentimes leads to an awkward silence where the tone of the conversation has to be reset.
Something I believe we can do in Three Nails, whether it’s with people that we see everyday or people that we only see on Sunday night, is to ask more open questions. Ask questions that will lead to a deeper level, rather than to a simple “yes” or “no”. Instead of asking “How are you doing today?” ask “What was the hardest part of your day?”. Instead of asking “Is there anything I pray for you about?” ask “What can I pray for you about?”. There is a key difference in the kinds of the conversation that an open question will lead to rather than a closed one. Think about it the next time you’re about to ask about someone’s day.
it appears that no one responds to stuff, so here i am being all cool and sophisticatedly techno savvy(and increasingly less using english rightly) to tell you that this could be life changing. you know, maby its just because im more dreamy at twelve at night, or maby its because this music i got spinning in the room has me a little too in the clouds for realistic thinking, but you know, maby there really can be deep like the ocean change with relationships, maby there really can be dynamic and christ EXUDING banter and relational habits that abound so much that people cant stop watching us all as we walk down the city corridors that pulse with all the normal crowds and their bitter human lonelyness. maby that could be what were heading for, ya know? maby theres something coming here thats more than just “how’s your day?” maby its coming to a head, maby its the start of a culminating spiritual residence in gods little lovelies… little ones like me
little ones like you
set apart across the wide world
just because…
…He thought it’d be fun
maby…
or maby i just have low blood sugar.
man i gotta eat somethin
BIE!
Hi ive just found your website. Im from Northern Ireland desperately trying to make sense of church. Its superficiality etc.
Love this idea of asking a different type of question. Can just imagne Jesus asking people this. It also gives the opportunity for honesty, and sharing and praying.
Thankx for inspiration